At each phase, the implementation of a variety of common practices, customs and traditions have become obligatory, almost like rules and principles that govern this ritual act. In some regions marriage with more than one wife at the same time (polygamy), while outlawed and punishable by law, is still practiced and it was more prevalent in the past when a wife could not bear children or she became ill or invalid. In larger cities, dating is more relaxed. In some regions “Söz kesimi” is also called small engagement ceremony.
Engagement is completed by attaching a ring and an embroidered kerchief bought by the prospective bridegroom’s family.
Children who are breastfed by a woman (a custom that was not uncommon in Turkey, when a mother could not breastfeed due to illness or other reasons, especially in rural areas, but has nearly ceased today) other than their mother become her “milk” children and they are not supposed to marry their “milk” siblings. In the general procedures of marriage, the groom to be and this family usually take the lead in initiating the steps leading up to marriage, while the courted girl’s family remains passive. The groom must ask for the bride’s hand in marriage, while the bride should make a perfect cup of coffee. In the past, there were several kinds of marriages, especially in rural areas where cultural influences are so varied. Many couples choose to have a religious ceremony a few days before the legal ceremony, where they invite family and friends to a service and then reception - much like western-style weddings.The build up to a Turkish wedding is just as important as the ceremony, however.Three nights before the wedding, the women gather together for the henna evening. Sometimes, children follow the cars or even sit in front of them, waiting for the passengers to hand out envelopes of money.At the wedding, you’ll be expected to pin money onto the bride’s dress when its your turn to offer congratulations.And last but not least, expect to see the bride and groom trying to step on each other’s toes as they sign the marriage certificate - this represents the desire to have the “final word” in the marriage.If you’re a married, childless woman, you’ll constantly be asked when you’ll start a family. General marriage ages are around 22 for men and around 20 for women, with 5-6 years variation upward. Regional variances aside, traditional weddings are marked by the following passages: Planting of a wedding flag, an entertaining gathering for the women of the couple’s families on the night before the wedding day, characterized by the coloring of parts of the hands and feet with Henna (Kına Gecesi), fetching the bride, and the bride’s veil.Before the wedding, as is done in the course of the engagement ceremony, formal invitations are distributed and family, friends and neighbors are invited to the wedding.
While it is considered natural that engaged couples may meet each other in more modern communities, in traditional, rural communities, such meetings are allowed only through the permission of the parents and usually a family members accompanies the couple. The groom’s mother presents a tray of henna balls. Then she joins the procession on her way to the groom’s home. In this marriage, a man settles in the home where his wife lives.
Turkey is a predominately Islamic country that maintains a secular government. Inasmuch as the fact that the work of seeing prospective bride is done by women, they do remain engaged in the process of asking for the girl's hand.In the process of asking for the girl’s hand in marriage, care is taken to include among those who will visit the prospective bride’s family such respectful persons who could not be refused by the bride’s family, together with close relatives of the prospective bridegroom’s family. In rural areas pregnant women declare their status with symbols on her clothing.During pregnancy, you’ll be exposed to a lot of old wive’s tales and traditions to determine the sex and the future fortunes of your child.After birth, it’s traditional to stay indoors for forty days once the baby’s born. After preparing the bride, a veil ornamented with red flake is placed over her head, and she is brought amidst the guests accompanied by songs and hymns about henna. Dying ceremony of henna is different according to regions. Oddly, an “I love you” comes quite early on - and it’s followed by romantic gestures to prove the strength of your love. Wedding expenses are met by the bridegroom’s family.
While away, he is shaved, bathed and dressed and taken to the mosque for the late night prayer (Yatsı Namazı) and then he is returned home. In many cases, the religious ceremony precedes the civil ceremony by a few days.In the traditional setting, wedding ceremonies generally start on Tuesday and end on Thursday, or start on Friday and end on Sunday. Today such kind of marriage is not practiced that much any more due to impact of urbanization. Marriage is an association that existed since the earliest times and has great importance on human life and society.
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